Okay.
I have thought long and hard about this blog post. Most of the time, when I’m trying to introduce an idea to someone who might not be ready for it yet, I try to do it gently. I acknowledge feelings, express empathy, and do as much as I can to relate directly to my audience.
This is not one of those times. Sometimes, even as a person who strives to be gentle with the world, there are times when you just want to reach out and punch someone in the chotch.
Somehow, ‘Merica missed the memo that breastfeeding under any circumstances is normal, natural, healthy for both mom and baby, and should never be shamed or hidden. There are several angles I could take here, but like I’ve said in previous posts, nobody’s got time for a novella. I’m sure I’ll cover topics like normal-term (read: toddler) nursing and the medical lie that is “low-milk supply” in later posts. But today, we’re going to talk about Nursing In Public, otherwise appropriately known as NIP.
Let me be very clear. There is nothing wrong with nursing in public. If I were going to start at the very beginning, I would have to acknowledge that there are some people out there who believe that even if a woman hides under a blanket the size of a circus tent, she still isn’t covered enough and should either go home or stick a bottle in the baby’s mouth. But I’m not starting at the very beginning. And those people don’t deserve the acknowledgement I’ve given them thus far, so we’ll move on to the next batch of idiots.
I’d like to insert a reminder here which is less of a side-note, and more like the point of this post. In this country, you do not have the right to not be offended. Being offended is a fancy way of saying that you can’t handle your own feelings. Nowhere in the world are you guaranteed a Personal Emotions Liason who will make sure you don’t have to look at something which you consider unpleasant. If you are the one who is offended, then you are also the one who is responsible for becoming un-offended. Nobody is going to babysit your feelings in that regard.
I have heard the argument a hundred times: “There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding, but you should at least have the consideration enough for others to cover yourself.” (This argument has come in many forms. I am giving entirely too much credit to most who use it, considering their version goes alot more like “Nobody wants to see you flaunt your tits on display for the whole world! Have some decency! Cover that shit up!”)
But you get the point. Somehow people are all for breastfeeding until a woman sits down next to them in a coffee shop with a hungry baby. Then she faces the uncomfortable heat of their judgemental gaze as they sip their latte, fuming over the six square inches of flesh showing above her baby’s head. Women are told all the time that they should cover up to save the poor feelings of those who might accidentally burn their retinas by catching the glimpse a nipple, or god forbid a six-year-old might walk by and see a baby (gasp!) drinking milk from a breast (the horror!). I’ve actually had a woman I know, a woman I’m close friends with, throw a blanket over my son’s head in my own house as she nearly broke her neck stampeding out the door with her three-year-old.
“I don’t want him to see that!”
Seriously? What are you going to say when he gets older and asks you what boobs are for? Will you wink and say, “Those are for your dad, kid.” The funny thing is, I don’t see any of these people shielding their kids’ eyes from the magazine rack at the grocery store. They sit next to their kids on the couch while Beyonce’s undercarriage is broadcast on network television, and don’t bat an eyelash. Apparently, women are allowed to show as much skin as they want as long as they’re doing it in a sexual context. But something as natural as breastfeeding is downright offensive.
Of course, let’s not forget the uber-intelligent peanut gallery who’s about to say, “Well, taking a dump is natural, but you don’t see me popping a squat on the sidewalk, do you?”
Well, no. You see, there are a couple of reasons that the law says you can’t defecate in public. For starters, human excrement is a public health concern. With all that bacteria and whatnot, it’s not exactly the cleanest bodily substance. (Breastmilk, on the other hand, kills cancer.) Furthermore, you generally can’t eliminate waste without exposing your genital area, and that’s also not okay. 
And I have news for you: Boobs are not genitals. They’re not. This might be news, but genitals are the outer parts of your reproductive organs. That means penis, testicles, clitoris and labia. Just because adults enjoy letting breasts take a starring role in their love lives doesn’t mean they fall under the same category as genitalia. I don’t know about you guys, but I use way more of my body in the bedroom that just my boobs. I think its fair to say that most of us use our hands to touch each other, our mouths to kiss each other (and don’t forget the hand jobs and oral sex, too!) But you don’t see restaurant managers approaching regular Joe’s in the middle of dinner rush to ask them to put their gloves back on or take it to the bathroom to keep from offending other patrons.
Oh, right. The damn bathroom. The most popular place to banish she-who-dares-to-nurse-in-public. Are you kidding me? I have a hell of a lot more respect for my son than to ask him to eat in the same place where everyone is peeing and pooping and flapping their jaws on their cellphones and running that loud-ass hand dryer. That’s disgusting, not to mention distracting to a 16-month-old who wants to investigate every toilet flush he hears within a 2 mile radius. If we’re both in a restaurant, and my kid gets hungry, he’s eating in the same room as everyone else.
Cue the complainers: “At least be decent enough to be discreet and use a cover!”
There are two problems with your argument (besides the fact that you probably can’t spell ‘discreet’). First, it’s none of your business to ask someone to modify the way they do something simply because you don’t want to look at it. It’s one of the reasons we still have to sit next to dudes with sweat-stains on airplanes and people who chew with their mouth open on the subway. It’s why nobody with camel-toe gets a ticket and the Aryan Brotherhood is still allowed to breed. Even the world’s biggest dickheads understand that you don’t get to ask interracial couples to sit in the back or tell gay couples to stop holding hands. There are morons on every corner who will come up with something they don’t want to look at. If we had to sit down to babysit all of them, there would be no more society left as we’d all be stuck in the bathrooms eating our lunch. So if your only argument is that I’m supposed to wear a cover for your convenience, pardon me, but you can suck it.
The second problem with the whole “wear a cover” argument is this: You want me to be discreet. And you want me to wear a cover. You mean like this?
You have got to be kidding, right? If you think something like that and the word “discreet” go anywhere near each other in a sentence, then I should have been doing this blog post using stick figure pictures the whole time. Sure! My baby needs to nurse. Let’s get out my cover and 1. See if baby will agree to nurse in the heat-chamber I’ve created without screaming bloody murder, and 2. Make sure no one can tell what I’m doing. Discreet, for the win!!!
I bet somewhere around a bazillion dollars that if the average person walked into a restaurant, and you didn’t tell them a breastfeeding mother was there, they would never know. Wanna know why? Because breastfed babies are quiet when they’re nursing. Their mothers have had practice and can slip a nipple into their mouths in 2 seconds flat without anyone being the wiser. I once talked to my friend’s husband about breastfeeding for 15 minutes while nursing before he asked me if I was going to need somewhere to nurse the baby soon.
I have spent the better part of my time since I got pregnant supporting moms who have been harrassed, embarrased, lectured, and castigated when they were found doing nothing more than feeding their baby in a public place. I have laid educational smackdowns on internet trolls, high-fived women I don’t even know in the middle of coffee shops, and helped dozens of women become more confident at breastfeeding their children when and where they want to. I have personally waged war on an entire city government for discriminating against a woman and her child, and have done so effectively enough that the city published an apology within 24 hours of the incident. I have done my homework. I know my rights, and more importantly, I know my son’s rights. I am not fucking around.
So. In closing, to anyone out there who is still of the opinion that breastfeeding moms should cover it up, I want to leave you with a warning. My son is 16 months old. He is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight and only naps once a day for like 45 minutes, tops. He is a tank, and the only speed he has is hyperspeed.
And he’s really hungry.
Are you nervous about NIP? My amazing friend Abby (The Badass Breastfeeder) has a free E-course that will be delivered directly to your email. Sign up here.
Free Mom, Free Kids 
I started off all omg I need a cover but heck eventually you realize youre not doing nothing but drawing attention to yourself with a baby fussing and fumbling with a blanket. I do what makes me and my child comfortable. The argument over men lusting over it, my husband looks at pictures of nursing babies and says awwww. Breasts are #1 a food source.
So, to be fair and true to your argument that in this country “nobody has the right to be offended,” if a woman decides to breastfeed in public and exposes something that in our society is seen as a symbol of sex, then she can not get offended when every guy in the room is trying to get a look at her breasts. It is completely natural for any heterosexual male to become aroused and try to get a look when a woman’s breast is exposed. If this was not the case, then women would never wear bras or walk around topless without minding. Or why can a woman get offended when she wears a low cut shirt and a man can’t stop staring at her cleavage? Breasts have been turned into a sex symbol in our society whether they are “genitals” or not. It works both ways, if you won’t allow people to become offended, then you can’t either. I have no problem with a woman breastfeeding in public, but if she expects to have that right and for people to not be offended, then she can’t either when every guy in the room is staring at her.
Breast feeding mothers are not offended when people look at them. If you like what you see, good for you. I will take it as a compliment but understand that looking and staring are different and even if I am out and not breastfeeding and you are staring at me it is rude and antisocial behaviour. But people who act like that when faced with breastfeeding would probably act like that in any situation.
That is potentially a fair point, had she made even ONE complaint about it. But she didn’t. Maybe you confused her complaining about the breast double standard with complaining that men lust after breastfeeding mothers.
@ ryan, your argument is exactly why Islam requires women to cover and it is exactly how they justify it. Having women exposing their hair and skin will arouse men thus women need to be covered. How do I know? I am Muslim and woman. I do not cover. If anyone is offended or aroused by my skin and hair (or breastfeeding) I tell them to cover their eyes or go f**k yourself. Y
You’re basically saying that men’s instincts are so uncontrollable, that they have no choice but to oggle when a breast comes out. Most men can control themselves around a breast, and the ones who can’t are probably jerks anyway. It’s not a double standard to expect to be able to feed your child in public, while expecting men to have at least a modicum of control over themselves.
Ryan, how many “anti-ogling” nurse ins have their been? How many articles and blogs are there with women ranting about all the men staring at their tits all the time?
It is not natural for a man to be obsessed with breasts, it is culturally programmed. Do some research on it.
Our society would do well to de-mystify breasts and allowing them to be seen in public is the first step. They’re taboo BECAUSE we hide them.
I don’t care if a man sees my breasts in public and the realityis that almost all look away immediately when they realize Im breastfeeding. Not quite the animalistic maniacs we all talk about men being. If one follows me home and rapes me then that is his
Why would any real man be reduced to juvenile gawking? Do they stare when a cat feeds her kittens? That is what breasts are for. Feeding our babies. If you are too immature to be able to control yourself when a mother is feeding her child, perhaps you should not be allowed out in public.
Your husband can say awww but in the back of his mind he’s either thinking mmm nice tits or ew gross tits, stop your bullshit lady, it’s a natural reaction from men that nobody can honestly deny.
Good thing I didn’t get up this morning and decide to suddenly care what someone’s boyfriend is thinking.
Well then, I guess you’ve just proven what we all really know about the immature male mindset.
Can I say thank you for this? I love it! I have been nursing for about 6 months now and I love it. However when I am in public I do like to just use a small cover, I live in cold weather anyway so it doesn’t get the baby hot. HOWEVER, I fee like people are still staring at me even when I do use a cover. I will be going on my first plane ride with my baby in about a month and I was worried about “what if I have to nurse?!” But after reading this I feel like, “who cares if I have to nurse.” It’ll be interesting to see who I sit next to and their reactions when I whip out a boob!
I was concerned about nursing on the plane when I first flew with my daughter. I knew I would have to because it was a 5 1/2 hour flight. You will notice that hardly anyone will even realize you’re nursing because you’re so confined and to those that see and are bothered, screw ’em 🙂
The sucking will help your babies ears on the plane too! Have a good flight!
*Baby’s
Alix – You have to nurse on the plane to keep the pressure regulated in the baby’s ears. I just flew 2 days ago for the first time with my 5 month old, the only time he cried was when he fell asleep during the climb (while I was nursing him) and he woke up crying because of the pressure. I used a small blanket as a cover. Nurse during the whole climb and descent, the baby will be fine 🙂
It floors me that WOMEN are the ones who say, rather meekly, “No I love breastfeeding! But we should at least be decent about it.” Until that statement is gone the way of the codpiece, we will not truly have reformed to a society where NIP is accepted. Kudos for an awesome post. Sharing this with the gDiapers community.
EXACTLY. Drives me nuts when women say “I support breastfeeding [or even worse that THEY breastfeed] but we need to have decency to cover up”. Ick!
I support breastfeeding PERIOD. If there’s a “but” you’re lying. 😉
This post should be printed out and part of the diaper bag of every bfing mom in the world. Imagine their faces when they start reading and feeling like idiots… Thank you, well said!
Awesome post! I just found your blog via The Badass Breastfeeder and am adding it to my “Blogs I Follow”. I hope you will consider doing the same. Can’t wait to read more from you, you are hysterical 🙂
Loved this article!!!
My son hates being covered by anything… blankets, nursing covers, etc… he hates it all… I tried to cover him at first, but finally said “screw it ” I stopped caring what anyone else thought once I had a baby to worry about….
That cover is MUCH more obvious then breastfeeding without it! When I nursed my daughter in public, you couldn’t even tell, and I never covered up.
I am totally with you on nursing in public (though some women prefer to cover up, and that’s OK too of course.) How silly really, to have to justify the most natural way to nourish your children.
You really lost me at “the medical lie that is low-milk supply” though– how belittling of the experience of women like me who struggled with it day and night for many months despite having much support and doing everything “right” (and in my case, never really overcoming it.) It does women a disservice to say it doesn’t exist, or to imply we must have been doing something wrong, when that simply isn’t true. You are fortunate to be able to breastfeed, and most women are– but we are not all so lucky.
I don’t believe she is attacking women who can’t produce. I believe that what she’s stating is, the doctors that tell nursing mothers they need to give their child formula because they aren’t “producing” enough and therefore, their babies aren’t gaining the amount of weight they should. And when doctors do that, the pressure mothers into giving up nursing and start formula because doctors are uneducated.
Also, many women feel they don’t produce enough because when they pump, they don’t get much milk. The truth is, many women do not respond well to a pump. Baby is much more efficient in getting milk out and pumped milk should not be an indicator of how good a nursing mothers supply is.
Hi Brandi,
I completely agree with you about formula being pushed when it isn’t necessary. That’s absolutely a problem. But this post says that low milk-supply is a lie and that isn’t true, it happens today as it always has in some women. I understand that breast feeding supporters want to empower women to succeed, but denying that supply problems can happen (and sometimes can’t be overcome) is wrong and further alienates those of us who wanted more than anything to breastfeed, but couldn’t.
Meredith, read Kate’s response below. I think it was worded wrong by blog writer who posted this. As much as she supports breast feeding, I can’t see her believing that low milk supply is not a real problem. I believe that is why she says it’s a medical lie, because doctors lie to women about their milk supply. There are two different growth charts, one for formula feeding and one for breast milk and most doctors use the one for formula feeding and apply all babies growth to that chart. I certainly agree that it would be wrong of someone to think that “low milk supply” is not a real thing but, again I don’t that is what she is saying.
I don’t think she is saying low milk supply is always a lie and doesn’t exist. I believe what she is referring to is the overuse of the diagnosis. I know many women, including myself, who were told this was the problem only to do before and after weighs of our babies and see they were getting plenty. I had to ask for the before and after weighs even because they were telling me it was low milk supply without looking into it! It is very rare, not common as people perceive it to be. I also don’t think it is meant to insult the women but their healthcare providers, who perpetuate the lie.
I agree with you, Meredith. I also have struggled with low supply, which I refused to believe until they proved to me that my daughter was starving. With the amount of hormonal imbalances/metabolic disorders, chemicals around us & who knows what other factors contribute, there’s a lot more of us who endure low supply & we should not be made to think it’s a lie.
I just want to throw out that as an adopted person, I’ve never had breast milk in my life. I am perfectly healthy, graduated summa cum laude from an ivy league school, and have had a very successful life by anyone’s standard. I have a really hard time with any “study” that suggests that breastfeeding is a necessity for a child to develop properly. I think women should be allowed to breastfeed or not breastfeed without judgment. If women want to nurse in public, then great! If they DON’T, I don’t think they should be shamed for that either. It seems like a lot of pro-NIP folks want to shame other women for choosing to feed in a restroom, or using a cover, or otherwise going somewhere private. This article made me a little uncomfortable because it’s quite hypocritical. “Don’t judge me for NIP, but I’m going to judge the hell out of you if you choose formula over breastmilk or choose to nurse in private.”
Just a suggestion, but maybe you should re-read the post as it seems you didn’t quite grasp it. It is not about shaming women who decide to nurse in private or formula feed, it is about the woman who choose to nurse in public, should be able to, with out catching any heat. That’s it.
I just reread it. Twice. There’s a very clear attitude here that women who choose to nurse in a bathroom don’t have respect for their children. “Are you kidding me? I have a hell of a lot more respect for my son than to ask him to eat in the same place where everyone is peeing and pooping and flapping their jaws on their cellphones and running that loud-ass hand dryer.” Then she goes on to write a whole paragraph about how RIDICULOUS covers are. Look, I have no problem with women who want to nurse in public. None at all. What I DO have a problem with is the sanctimonious attitude that so often comes with it. It was a very apparent undertone in the article, and it’s very, VERY apparent in a lot of these comments. If women choose to breastfeed or bottle feed, that’s their choice. If women choose to nurse completely topless in public or instead cover up or go somewhere private, that’s their choice. I just have a problem with the extreme amount of judgment coming from people who are on a soapbox about being judged.
I also think you missed the point her completely, Judy. I was also never breastfed, and I believe women should have a choice, but claiming that breastfeeding and bottle feeding are the same is at best naive. One can choose to feed their child a balanced diet or give them junk food. It’s their right, some people have fewer choices and do the best they can, but claiming they are the same is just silly.
Please excuse me if this post gets a little heated, but you know Judy, you’re right. No woman should be made to feel that she needs to feed her child where others urinate and deficate. Do you want to go eat your meal in a public restroom? No, because it’s disgusting. It’s unfortunate that you have a problem with the tone of the blog post. Because frankly, women are given negative and nasty comments daily because they do breastfed and yes, all nursing women have a RIGHT to have an attitude about it (when they are defending themselves, who doesn’t?) and stand up for them selves!!! So, if you think this blog post is negative, yet again, YOU’RE RIGHT! After all of the terrible things that are said to breastfeeding moms, I think they have a right to be upset and voice their opinions just like all the negative people who don’t think nursing women have a place in public have the right to voice there’s. If you don’t agree with the post or the tone of the post, why spend you’re time reading it twice and commenting? It’s meant to give courage to nursing mothers. And further more, if you were a nursing mother, you my friend, would understand EXACTLY where this blog post is coming from. And we are not “judging”, we are defending what is by law, our right to do! So, suck on that. (pun intended) 🙂
I breastfed for almost 2yrs and only on a plane did I do it publicly by choice. If the only option was a bathroom I nursed in public with a double layered shirt(one layer up and one down). I feel more power to the moms who choose to NIP without a cover. I personally do not like even flaunt cleavage and get looks so to me personally I didn’t want looks while breast feeding my daughter. I breastfed her in the front seat of the car where less were likely to see and we had music and a/c.
Now that said YES I will judge someone for feeding their child in the crapper. Maybe being a nurse I’m more aware of how absolutely disgusting and horrifying that it. Do it if you want to but that’s the same thing as eating off the floor in a restaurant. She didn’t insult or have hostility to anyone for their choices. You inferred those yourself
Judy, it is important to the cause of breastfeeding (because it is healthier than formula) that women feel encouraged not to hide themselves away. If you do that it’s because you feel some part of it is wrong. Well, no part of feeding a baby is wrong so there is no excuse for hiding it.
That does not mean I think any woman who covers or does it in private is doing something bad. I didn’t nurse in public at first because I wasn’t comfortable until I really had the hang of it. Im not judging that because I don’t know your situation but if you’re doing it out of shame that should be lovingly worked out.
Thanks for your response, Evey. I actually shed a tear reading it because so few people understand. I could not agree more that hormonal imbalances, inflammatory diseases etc caused by toxins in our environment, our homes, and our food supply probably play a role in the problem. If we can’t acknowledge that it’s happening, how can we try to fix it?
Brandi and Kate, the poster is clearly is a big supporter of women who want to breastfeed, and so I agree with you that she probably does not mean to say that true supply problems don’t exist. But that is what she says– she says she will later post about “the medical lie that is low-milk supply.” I encourage her to rethink the way she talks about this. I agree with her comments above about how some supply problems are caused by misinformed doctors and nurses themselves. This may well be a more common problem than a “true” supply problem (one that wasn’t caused by these pitfalls, or some other breastfeeding obstacle that can be overcome with the proper support.) My point is just that one shouldn’t encourage women to continue breastfeeding and overcome obstacles by pretending women like Evey and I don’t exist. If that isn’t what the poster meant, then I just encourage her to be more careful with her words.
Whether or not something is rare is subjective. If just 2% of mothers have true supply issues (although I suspect it is more, and increasing) that means one in fifty of us does. One in 54 boys today have autism, and that is called an epidemic. People with other medical conditions are encouraged to find others who can relate, to know they are not alone. But we with supply problems are told we are extremely rare, or that it is a “lie.” Being unable to nourish your child is a uniquely painful experience. Women who must deal with it need support too.
Meredith,
I was wondering the same thing about “the medical lie that is low-milk supply” because I also struggled with breastfeeding due to milk supply, and I quit nursing after 3 months. Breastfeeding my baby was my first choice, and a week after bringing her home from the hospital she went back to the hospital because she was starving and dehydrated. I was devistated and terrified during that ordeal, but I continued to try to breastfeed. After three months of nursing supplemented with formula, I chose to stop nursing, but I was (and still am) made to feel quilty by (some) breastfeeding mothers. I am now expecting my second child, and I will try breastfeeding again first but I refuse to stress myself over it. Anyway I can’t wait to read that future article because I am curious if she meant that low-milk supply is a lie or if she meant that doctors use it as an excuse to push formula feeding.
It is just as tough to be “judged” for bottle feeding as it is to be “judged” for breastfeeding in public.
Diz, I feel your pain. Congratulations on your upcoming bundle! Come join our FB group for an amazing group of supportive mothers and lactation specialists who strive to help others with low supply: https://www.facebook.com/groups/IGTmamas/. The support & education I’ve received there has been amazing. Good luck with your new babe!
I fought tooth and nail for every drop of breastmilk my babies got, all three times. My middle daughter was the most intent and continued nursing until about 15 months, even after weaning from the bottle at 12, but I had to supplement with (a lot of) formula with all three. I worked with a lactation consultant, I tried supplements, I knew what I was doing. The milk just didn’t come. Looking back, I believe it was due to hypothyroidism. Many women/doctors are quick to say that they just don’t have the supply, so let’s just switch to formula, but it IS true in some cases, there are those of us who have done EVERYTHING right and still aren’t able to exclusively breastfeed. And I cried in the pediatrician’s office all three times when the doctor said I would have to supplement. NEVER give up, but sometimes half feedings are all your body’s got.
Well done! I fully support your article. I choose to use a Hooter Hider, but that is MY preference. I fully support the choice of others NOT to cover up if that’s their preference. Excellent article.
This is awesome. Totally awesome.
Thanks for this post! I loved reading it!
I’m going to be that ass hat that says it. Some countries widely accept nursing in public, but generally Americans do not. I nursed both of my children. In public. I’ve done it in soccer stadium bathrooms. In the car. At the zoo. At concerts. Any time there has been a possibility of someone other than my kids and husband seeing my breasts I have used a cover. People don’t want to see it, and I don’t want to show it. My babies didn’t care, in fact it helped them not be distracted. Just like you would likely rather not sit next to the sweat stained person on the airplane or the loud open mouth chewer on public transportation, ‘most’ people don’t want to see you pull out your breasts. It makes people uncomfortable, and they shouldn’t have to teach their kids about it under your timeline simply because you don’t want to use a cover. You think that you shouldn’t be told what you can and cannot do, but you in turn are making an implication of what other peoples’ children should be taught. I try to not inconvenience or bother other people, be it with cell phone conversations, gum popping, taking more than my share of space in public areas, or making them uncomfortable in any way. I think that if people were more aware of others that this world would be a better place.
I love how you compare breastfeeding, something so natural that has been done for thousands of years (mind you uncovered) to ” the sweat stained person on the airplane or the loud open mouth chewer on public transportation”. You seem to be lucky to have children who don’t “mind” using a cover. However, as I’m sure you should be aware of, all children are different. Some will NOT stand for a cover and it causes MORE distraction than not. I agree, every woman has a choice of whether to cover or not. I prefer to cover, how ever, I give props to all the mommies who have the courage not to, not to make a “statement” as some people say, but to satisfy their child, the one that matters most, because the child doesn’t like a cover. Also, some women might be fine going to nurse in a restroom, I am not. Did you know it is recommended to keep your toothbrush 20 feet away from a toilet because of the germs and particles that fly up from flushing a toilet? Think about that….and then people want nursing mothers to go to a bathroom. Gross. As I said, it’s your choice where, when, how you chose to feed, but don’t tell any other mother what you think they should do, because they don’t have to.
The comparison between the sweaty person and breastfeeding wasn’t mine, it was the author’s. Also, I wasn’t telling anyone what to do. I was pointing out that it makes other people uncomfortable, and so I chose to be aware and respectful of others and covered my breasts. You fail reading comprehension.
Let me repost that specific paragraph. Because no where in it does she compare breastfeeding to sitting next to a sweaty person. SO, it is your comparison. Again, reading comprehension:
“There are two problems with your argument (besides the fact that you probably can’t spell ‘discreet’). First, it’s none of your business to ask someone to modify the way they do something simply because you don’t want to look at it. It’s one of the reasons we still have to sit next to dudes with sweat-stains on airplanes and people who chew with their mouth open on the subway. It’s why nobody with camel-toe gets a ticket and the Aryan Brotherhood is still allowed to breed. Even the world’s biggest dickheads understand that you don’t get to ask interracial couples to sit in the back or tell gay couples to stop holding hands. There are morons on every corner who will come up with something they don’t want to look at. If we had to sit down to babysit all of them, there would be no more society left as we’d all be stuck in the bathrooms eating our lunch. So if your only argument is that I’m supposed to wear a cover for your convenience, pardon me, but you can suck it.”
Two responses to you…ONE my daughter will NOT stand a cover over her…PERIOD. TWO, fat people in small clothing are extremely gross, but they sure don’t consider anybody elses feelings. Get over yourself and if you can use your neck…hey, turn it.
lol Lyndsay. You would think because she does nurse, her opinion would be a little more open…
🙂 Awesome!
I see a lot of people concerned about what to tell children if they happen to see it. How about this
Child: What is that baby/Mommy doing
Parent: The mommy is feeding her baby
….There, was that too hard? Now there will be a few children who press for more info
Child: How?
Parent: Some mommies use bottles to feed their babies and some use milk they make in their breast.
Why is this so awful and difficult that we cannot tell our children about it. If they grow up seeing it as normal behaviour then they won’t have issues with it when they are adults.
Smh.
Some white people used to be uncomfortable sitting next to black people. I guess the black people should have just been content with that and stayed away.
Best post ever! I could not have said this better myself. I might have to print this out and keep a few handy and if anyone should say anything to me (luckily 7months strong and no comments yet) I can just say thanks and now since you are disturbing my personal space and time please let me take your time up and then hand them a copy of this!!!
Thank you for posting this and summing up quite nicely how I feel. Last night, I nursed my second son ALL OVER a major league baseball stadium while wearing him in a carrier. I was nursing him while I talked to a very nice attendant who brought me to the mom’s lounge to use the changing table. She didn’t notice I was nursing him. I’ve nursed my sons in a variety of places: airplanes, parks, stores, restaurants, coffee shops, farmers markets, grocery stores, bus stations, on public transit, state capitol buildings, etc, etc. I am not compelled to “cover up” to make someone else more comfortable. I am not going to inconvenience my child (who is hungry and just doing what millions of other babies do) because another person doesn’t want to recognize the purpose of breasts. In fact, I’m replying to your awesome post while pumping for my 5 month old. I can only hope other women read this and become more confident in themselves, their bodies and their ability to feed their children without worrying about what makes people comfortable.
I just wanted to leave a comment. I am 52 years old. I have 3 children -23, 20 and 19. All three were breastfed-at home, on the bus, in a plane (and mine were the ones NOT screaming because their ears were popping), at church (it is nice when you can watch the wedding with out the baby crying), in restaurants. Most of the time, no one noticed or if they did, seemed to prefer that my child was quiet and happy, rather than being tearful and disruptive as I struggled to ready a bottle. I find it sad that after all these years this is still seen as enough of an issue that a discussion still needs to be had to get others to understand that this is a healthy, appropriate choice.
🙂 Absolutely.
It’s nice to relate to someone my two kids are fussy they stop and start if I had to use a cover I’d only have a hard time. I agree with you 129%
of for crying outloud whats the outrage… mad because people are gawking over an exposed brest while feeding in public….. yea its pretty obnoxious to be honest even from a moms stand point.. to each their own.. i bottle fed… i had twins.. i didnt need two kids on my tits at one time…and you dont need to show them out in public, even with a kid attached.. i remember my brother starting at a tit out in the open with a kid on it… he was 7…. i was 11 thinking how tacky…. come on you act like you cant find a place to go, car, bathroom, somewhere not in the middle of others activity…. im sorry it is what it is… who cares what the point of view is.. you act like its that hard to move your ass with a fussy baby.. ive done it with two… not that damn hard
lol be prepared for a storm. you’re on the wrong page to have such a crappy attitude about something that is a woman’s legal right. if it bothers you that much, use the neck muscle’s God gave you and TURN YOUR HEAD!
Obnoxious?! Really? Well, to be honest, none of my 4 kids are sets, so I can’t really comment about having to feed or nurse twins. But I have nursed my kids. I never once jumped up, undressed to the waist, exposed my entire chest or even one entire “tit” to the public. Of all the breastfeeding moms I’ve actually noticed, not one “tit” was out for public display. How many times have you seen this obnoxious display that you think breastfeeding is?
breastfeeding is a gift, I’m nursing my second beautiful boy and honestly, I love it, I’ll do it anywhere and everywhere if that’s what he needs 🙂
I’m just like most guys and you other guys please back me up, You seen one pair Makes you wanna see more. LOL OKAY that’s enough grandma roll them back up.
Love this article. It is so true. Somehow people think they need to tell breast-feeding mothers to “cover up” but say nothing about the women in teeny tiny bikini’s at the beach who are showing much much more then any breast-feeding mother ever would.
Thank you for writing this. I’m due with my second baby boy in a few months and I’m DETERMINED this time to nurse him in public. I was too afraid to do so with my son and as a result I was held hostage in my own home for too long, and became very depressed as a result. I didn’t fully live my life and enjoy him, I realize that looking back now. The idea of even going to a nearby restaurant filled me with panick, for fear he would get hungry and there would only be the bathroom. He was born over 10lbs and I just couldn’t pump enough to keep up with him. Reading this blog is another small step toward giving me the COURAGE to do things differently this time around. After all I’ll have a two year old active toddler and will need to tend to him as well. We can’t be trapped inside. Thank you again for all that you do to help encourage mothers. You rock. Hard.
Can I just say I love you? This post is awesome.
::slow clap::
Seriously. I have written a few breastfeeding in public blog posts and you’ve said EVERYTHING that I’ve ever wanted to say, so thank you! I often find trolls on Twitter who are SO ignorant and vulgar towards breastfeeding mothers – calling us “disgusting bitches” and “cover your saggy tits” up. It makes me sad that so many teen girls have this attitude and I just really hope that it changes when/if they become mothers themselves.
You argue that breastfeeding is normal,natural and healthy, so therefore should be allowed publicly for all to see.Well my friend so is urinating, defecating and sex. That is not a valid reason for publicly displaying your breast. My children know my breast fed them. I am so tired of people shoving their opinions in my face AND expecting me to be happy with it. Breastfeed in public without a cover,go ahead, but expect me to be happy with it to…sorry but no. You might get a rude look from me..my kids might stare because they are not used to it..but you have neck muscles so use them to turn your head.
Jolie, it’s not that nursing “should be allowed publicy”, it already is. 🙂 Urinating, defecation and sex, is not allowed in public by law. Also, it’s not even a comparison. Nursing is feeding a child, the natural way to feed a child, the way god intended (not by bottle). However, urinating and defecating is eliminated bodily waste, not feeding a child. See the difference honey? Oranges and apples, oranges and apples. And nursing is a valid reason for “displaying breast”. And if by displaying, you mean you can only maybe see a little bit of skin, no nipple and baby’s head covers most of the view as publicly exposing, your view is construed. No one is walking around with both boobs hanging out while carrying there baby. That isn’t nursing. And I don’t expect you to be happy about seeing women nurse their children. I expect you to turn your head if you don’t like it, or, if you do, stare and I’m sure you’ll get an earful. And if you don’t like people shoving their opinion in your face, why continue reading a blog you’re too close minded to understand? Much less actually relate to. Give rude looks all you want, I’ll ask you what you’re staring at pervert. If you kids stare, I’ll asking them if they have a question. SO please, use your neck muscles to turn your head if you don’t like what you see. 🙂
Did you actually read the entire blog post? Because your argument is invalid. And how dare you give any mother a dirty look for nursing her baby. Kids will be kids. They stare at all kinds of things they aren’t used to seeing. Will you give a dirty look to the kid in the wheelchair because your kids stare? Or will you guide your kids’ natural curiosity and educate them?
As a woman, I hate seeing women publicly breast feed. But, why not? Talking on a cell phone in public used to be rude too. America just no longer has etiquette, so throw boobs on the pile
I’m quite frankly disgusted that you would compare feeding a child to talking on a cell phone. I respect that you prioritize etiquette, as long as you respect that I’m prioritizing my child’s need to eat.
I feel sorry that you “hate” seeing public nursing. But that’s how women feed their children and have done so for thousands of years. Until people, women especially, it seems, understand that this is feeding a baby, and that’s it, nothing more to look into it, there will always be people like you, being negative and being uncomfortable with a mother feeding her child, which makes no sense at all.
Maybe stop lusting after women’s breasts while a child is on them and you won’t be so vexed.
I swear, it’s like people equate breastfeeding with jumping on a trampoline naked in a family diner. Breastfeeding isn’t sexual! Stop making it out to be!
Why is this an issue in 2013? If you don’t like NIP mothers why not just leave or don’t look? If you are offended by this subject why are you reading this article? If you cover, or bottle feed, or feed in a bathroom and feel like you are doing nothing wrong on behalf of your baby why write responses like you feel threatened? If you feel like what you are doing is right no can make you feel bad about it.The only reason a person should feel bad about what someone else says about them is if they know in the back of their mind that there is some truth to what is being said. Otherwise it shouldn’t bother you. Also, the argument that no one wants to see a woman NIP openly is only valid if you polled everyone in the country. Most people probably range from supportive to really couldn’t care less in the sense that it’s not a big deal. You don’t speak for everyone when you make a blanket statement like that. As for the guys who chimed in with their Neanderthal way of thinking, you don’t speak for all men either and you sure don’t speak for me. Why is it okay for a woman to walk around half naked on a beach in the presence of kids mind you with most of her breast exposed sometimes even in front of her own kids, and it’s not an issue, but a woman breastfeeding a baby makes us blush? I’ve seen women on the beach who have to be careful how they sit or because if they sit a certain way parts of their nether region will be exposed. That’s how skimpy the bikini is. That’s okay though even around kids. What’s wrong with that picture? Is it the exposure or the idea that the breast is being used for something other than sex that has people up in arms. I think it’s the latter.
Well most people going to the beach expect semi-nudity. But I’ve worked in higher end restaurants where some people weren’t expecting to see a tit. There’s a time and a place for everything, but breast feeding in public is off the mark. I wouldn’t scoff at it in a ladies lounge, but I want to see public breast feeding about as bad as I want to watch a homeless guy pee in an alley
Semi nudity is expected on the beach and no one wants to see a tit in a high end resteraunts. So you’ve never served a patron with a low cut top and significant cleavage exposed in your resteraunt? I can go to any resteraunt in my city right now and find at least one women in each with significant cleavage exposed. How’s that any different from what you might see from a breastfeeding mom? It isn’t, it’s just that one woman is flaunting her sexuality which we applaud and which is what some people seem to think are the primary function of a breast, and one is quietly using her breast for what they are designed for. You wouldn’t ask Ms. Cleavage to leave, or eat in the bathroom, or cover herself because she might be offending the customers by her lack of being discreet. That would probably be ridiculous to you. It’s about as ridiculous as getting in a tizzy over a baby eating their meal. Would you rather have a screaming baby in the resteraunt?
I could not disagree with you more, and you should be ashamed of yourself for equating a child’s nutrition with someone urinating in public. I think it speaks poorly for American women and their misplaced values that you should choose to shame other women for “flaunting” their ability to feed their children. You are aware that the function of a breast is feeding, correct? Your inability to remove the body’s natural function from sex or something you feel is inappropriate should not be a barrier to another woman feeding her child in public. I certainly hope you only restrict your opinion to the internet and don’t actually share your narrow view with a new mom who is actually breastfeeding in public. Shame on you.
Have you actually seen a homeless guy pee in an alley? Cause I have, and trust me, there’s no comparison.
I’d rather see a kid breastfeeding than some of the table manners (or lack thereof) I’ve observed in fellow diners.
Pingback: Not a Fan of Nursing In Public? Suck on This. (reblog) | The Silver Dragon's Heart·
This blogger and I should honestly be best friends! Sometimes I get so flustered because people act like “I shouldn’t be nursing now” even while covered up. But excuse me for being a good mother and feeding my baby when she is hungry. What did you expect me to do, shovel in my food an let my baby cry on hunger. Not in a million years! I also have too much respect for my child than find myself in a bathroom. Done it once for a few minutes, stopped and walked straight to my table and finished there. Breasts are given to us by God to nurse our child not to be gawked at or drilled over by anyone but out children over hunger. It is sad that I was embarrassed to nurse because secity makes it a sexual thing. I am so sick of people actin like me breastfeed inch u child is about them. If it was I would have kindly asked did you mind, but the fact of the matter is if you do care move! That’s your right just like its mine to nurse! Also men should not be looking. If it turns them on that I am feedin my child go home!
When my daughter was 4 months old I flew with her alone. I was seated between two men, one was probably mid to late fifties, the other was early forties. I nursed at takeoff and landing and I informed them both that I would be doing so. Neither seemed to mind. They both took out something to read and minded their own business. My grandmother (dad’s mom) had nine children, she only successfully nursed one of them. Everytime I sat down to nurse she sat down next to me and asked me questions. She was amazed that it was so easy for me since she had such a hard time with it.
Awesome! Love the post. I am a breastfeeding mom, and I started out feeding baby #1 in the bathroom, always covered up, or excused myself to go sit in my car so I wouldn’t have to deal with the stupid ass cover. Since then, I have had another baby, and now I whip ’em out in public as much as I need to. I have had a couple of (mostly old men) come up to tell me that I am being disgusting, or I need to cover up, or I am being indecent. The last one went like this: “That’s disgusting.” Cue sidelong, scathing glance from old man walking by me at an airport. Reply: “Listen asshole, I am feeding my kid, not jerking my husband off. YOU are the one with the oversexualized ideals about women’s bodies and their functions, and that makes me think you are a pervert. Now you and your polluted, perverted, gutter brain get away from me and my kid before I call the cops.” And I had a cover on in this instance!! I have found that the more aggressively you respond to these assclowns, the better the response (i.e., they get startled and just leave you alone). I think the idea behind the snide and nasty comments is to make you feel ashamed, but I am too much of a bitch to deal with it anymore. And honestly, I am a college professor (biology, anatomy, cell bio, etc.), and I talk to all of my classes about breastfeeding at length whenever we do human reproduction units. I am a huge breastfeeding advocate and educator, most likely smarter than the stupid men that make comments at me, and I am much more of a loud obnoxious bitch than those idiot men are expecting 🙂 There are few things that please me more than to see a stupid person try to put me in my place by making a comment, and then seeing the look on his face when I accuse him of being a pervert; and then watching him scurry off after I am done dressing them down. Anyway, keep up the good work!!
WOW – my hat is off to you for Best. Comeback. Ever.!!! I would love, love, love to be able to have a similar retort readily available for naysayers!
One thing people have seem to missed is that some women just use breast feeding as an exscuse to show off their breasts and those women do a great deal to harm a natural and beautiful thing. I personally know one such woman, I do not mean she just doesn’t use a cover or has a fussy child who takes longer to attach it goes well beyond that. This woman has gone into public places and has needed to breastfeed and takes both of her breasts out even though she is just breast feeding one child. She will then leave her unfeeding breast hanging out there for the whole time she feeds. When she is then done feeding she proceeds to burp her daughter and play with her a bit before she even thinks to recover her breasts, I’ve timed her in the past and one day she waited a whole 12 minutes after she was done feeding to recover her breasts. At that point it was no longer about her right to breastfeed in public it became about exsposing herself in public. I can and have explained to my children about breastfeeding mothers in public but how do you explain to a child about a woman just sitting there with her breasts hanging out for no reason. Again breastfeeding is a great and natural thing but when it’s used as an exscuse to be an exhibitionist it is no longer about breastfeeding and degrades the whole experience.
That is absolutely a shame that a woman would use their right to NIP as an outlet for her exhibitionism. As with all “rights”, there are always going to be people who abuse them – that doesn’t mean those who exercise them appropriately should be punished.
I agree Julie but I wanted to point this out because unfortunately it hasn’t been an isolated incident with my acquaintance. I’ve noticed several women since I had my first child that do this and if this is the only brush with nip ppl have had I’m not surprised they’re tainted towards it. As a side note I noticed alot of comments about having the bathroom as an only option. I live in a major Canadian city and almost all malls big or small have specialized nursing rooms here, they’re just a small room brightly decorated with chairs and benchs for mothers to nurse baby in; do they not have these in other places?
Some places have them, but not as a rule. If I see a place that has a special nursing section, I’m quite surprised.
I enjoyed this article. I believe a women should be able to breastfeeding in whatever manner makes the mother and child the most comfortable. I have breastfed all three of my daughters but I use a receiving blanket or discrete nursing tops because it makes me feel more comfortable but I have many friends that are very comfortable nursing openly and I have no problem with it. And to the comments about nursing in public being arousing men, I guess it would depend on the man. When my friends and their babies come over for a visit we usually all end up nursing at the same time and my husband really doesn’t bat an eye, after watching me nurse all three of our daughters he feels comfortable walking in saying hi and then going on about his business.
You are legally protected and fully entitled to whip out your breasts and nurse your child wherever you want!
Likewise, I am legally protected and fully entitled to give you a dirty look and roll my eyes for being such a dick head, yourself, and insisting that because you shot a kid out of your vagina (how unique!), now you get to rip your top off 83 times/day anywhere you want – ’cause you’re so uber cool!
There, we agree!
Ditto! 🙂
Are you 15 Hanna? Grow up. You want to give a mother feeding her child a “dirty look”? Would you rather hear a screaming child? And the only one being a d*ckhead, is you with your judgmental, rude, immature comments. It’s unfortunate you can not control your own discomfort about nursing and it’s your problem you can’t control your feelings about it. And no ones “rips” their top of 83 times a day. It’s actually pretty discreet. The more I read your comment, the more I can tell you are definitely under 18 but seems to me that you have a mind set of a 12 year old. And unless you have something intelligent to say based on facts, go judge someone else about something you DO know about, because nursing certainly isn’t one of them.
It’s funny how to ATTACK a position contrary to yours. Is Hanna Muslim, where the bearing of skin is prohibited by Sharia law? Do you know the answer to that question? Those under such a law would find it disgusting to “whip it out” multiple times a day (exaggeration for effect only). Yet, you didn’t hesitate in lambasting her, calling her a CHILD, and disavowing her right to an opinion! What about other religions’ rules? (Orthodox Judiasm doesn’t allow a MARRIED couple to see each other naked!) What about just upbringing? Y know, old-fashioned “modesty?” I could go on, but I doubt I’ll be respected either; I’ll be called a child and insulted just because I have a different opinion than you. If you can give the finger to someone who just cut you off in traffic, why can’t someone give a “dirty look” to something of which they disapprove? You may not like it yourself, but that means nothing; the person has the right to express their opinion. After all, not EVERYONE believes that breastfeeding is appropriate in public; they have the right to express so (in methods you approve of, and methods that you don’t approve of). I believe that it is YOU that needs to do the growing up.
Actually, “Open Minded” (btw, your “name” doesn’t match your reply at all. If she spoke like an adult, she would get treated like one. And are you Muslim? Because from what I understand, it is not okay for them to show their skin, but, even in Muslim religion, breast aren’t considered sexual and are “allowed” in their culture to NIP. Because it’s normal. It’s people’s opinions, such as your self, that create the image of a breast being sexualized when it’s sole function is feeding a child. It is not sexual at all except to the people who create that image themselves. I do respect your right to have a different opinion, but I will tell you, if you see me nursing in public and say something negative, or look at me in a disrespectful manner when I am just trying to feed my child, trust and believe I will retaliate with full force. You may not like it, but instead of shaming a woman who nurses her child, rather than shoving a bottle in their mouth, if you don’t like it, turn your head. There are TONS of other places to look. You DON’T have to be rude to someone because you don’t like that they nurse their child in public. I could talk until I’m blue in the face and you still wouldn’t have a clue where I am coming from unless you nurse. I know that everybody is different and I do respect that, so respect my decision to nurse, and I’ll respect yours for formula feeding. It is our choice as mothers how we choose to best raise our children. I belive nursing is the best form of milk, while you may believe otherwise and that’s fine. And I’m attacking her you say, but I’m actually defending my beliefs and simply pointing out how she’s acting. And I said NOTHING about religions, and what they believe. Stop comparing oranges to apples, this blog post is about nursing, not seeing married couples naked. And honey, I’m grown. And I’ll say it once again, I don’t mind that other people have different opinions, but don’t be disrespectful just because you don’t like what you see, because I will defend myself and my right by law to nurse my child, whenever, wherever.
Brandi – you’ve missed the point entirely.
Being open minded means you understand people don’t all share similar opinions, right?
A mother is absolutely entitled to nurse in public indiscreetly, legally and otherwise. Another person is equally entitled to give that mother a dirty look if she feels that someone, like this writer, disregards how others feel about nudity in public.
Respecting both of their rights is the definition of open mindness, not annihilating either viewpoint as you’ve done.
Your own gross immaturity is patently clear.
There is a law against women going topless, equal to the law not to expose your genitalia. Sorry, what made it okay to expose your breasts?
Technically the law about going topless is just about having uncovered nipples. In some states you can cover your nipples with clear fingernail polish and run free legally… in others a pair of tassels will do. This being said… the baby or the breast milk on the nipple makes it legal…
The argument is: breasts are not sex organs, so, some call the law “unfair” to bare your breasts for a legitimate purpose like nursing (as opposed to using them for illicit purposes like prostitution). Then again, fat men can have large breasts, and that’s perfectly legal; a small-breasted female would be jailed for “public indecency.” That’s not fair, either.
I totally get doctors trying to tell woman their supply is not good enough and suggesting to supplement. My last daughter was in the hospital for a few extra days and that made it so much harder to breast feed her. The nurses were so concerned with how often she was eating how long she was eating and told me I could not lay in bed with her and nurse her. That made things difficult because she was cluster nursing and I was being told by the staff that she must not be getting enough because of how frequent she was nursing. A doctor came in and then told me that she might be sleeping for an hour or two because she was trying so hard to get milk and all the sucking drained her of her energy and that it was not a good indicator that she was getting enough but an indicator that she was tiring herself out from excessive sucking. How stupid is that. She then suggested I bottle feed her for the next feeding and pump to see if I even had milk and when the nurses came in our room she tells them hi this mom here wants to bottle feed her the next feeding and pump so she can see how much milk she is getting. When she left I looked at the nurse and said um no I dont want to bottle feed her the next feeding and that particular nurse was quite supportive and said you dont have to its your baby and if she was not getting enough she would not be sleeping right now. Even after we left the hospital her follow up appointment was all about how much she was getting how long bla bla bla. She was a good size baby at birth weighing 9 pounds 5 ounces and 20 inches long. Yes she did lose some weight over the first couple weeks but being she was close to ten pounds a little bit of weight loss was expected. It was so annoying that I was being pushed and pushed to give her formula like I was neglecting my baby because I was breast feeding and not formula feeding her. Had I not been so determined to stick to it they might have pushed me to give up. It felt like thats what they were trying to do. When we got home we were able to lay in bed and nurse which was a life saver because when we were in the hospital I was so exhausted from the frequent feedings and having to make sure I was sitting up to feed her just drained me. The whole time in the hospital all I wanted to do was get out of there so I could just do what I needed to do with out having to defend it to doctors and nurses. any way my little princess is 4 months old and strong and big and able to sit un assisted and doing great. If I was not doing something right I doubt she would be so healthy and strong.
GOOD FOR YOU for being so persistent and sticking to your guns, Mama!!! I had a very similar experience with my daughter, it was so awful feeling so pressured by doctors and nurses!!! Seriously, huge kuddos to you 🙂
I totally don’t care what the people that have negative comments about this article think. This message needs to go viral, and be shared as much as possible. Not just about the breastfeeding (which I agree with, it’s natural, healthy, and not offensive) but also about people being offended. I have gone on a tirade or two over the last few years about people “choosing” to be offended by stuff. If they are the ones making a big deal about it, and causing problems, then THEY are the ones with the problem. “Pollitically Correct” is something that has gotten out of control, and the legal system does NOT help.
Based on the opinion of this writer, my company should eliminate its Lactation Room and women should be pumping at their desks or in meetings. After all, pumping breastmilk is a delivery method for a child’s nourishment. Why should women have to hide in a private room? This isn’t shameful, right?
Using what should be COMMON sense would tell you that it’s RARE to find someone who is offended by a woman who is nursing DISCREETLY in public. It’s an entirely different thing to nurse as this writer does. She believes because nursing is natural, she shouldn’t have to be discreet at all.
And, by the way, I agree with her. She SHOULD NOT have to be discreet. That’s her right.
Likewise, it’s MY RIGHT to scoff at her and give her a snide look.
We are both entitled equally.
It is awesome that your company has a lactation room if it is for the comfort and convenience of the mother. On the other hand if she is being banished into this room when she would be more comfortable staying at her desk and doing some work then that is an entirely different issue. She shouldn’t have to hide in a private room but many women would appreciate it.
Unfortunately, it isn’t rare for people to be offended by breastfeeding, even when done discreetly.
So many people seem to be saying that a baby has a right to breastfeed but they have the right to be a jerk about it back towards the mother and baby.
You have the right to do lots of things, including scoffing and giving a snide look. You also have the right to go roll around in a thorn bush. Neither benefits anyone and most people have enough common sense to differentiate between things that they should so and things that they can do just because they have the right
All I have to say is you are a piece of work lady.
If I don’t have a right to be offended by you breast feeding that you don’t have a right to be offended by my offense to it.
Three words: FIRST. WORLD. PROBLEM.
There are any number of dead-serious issues in front of our noses these days: our corrupt, money-saturated politics; gun violence; legit civil-rights inequities like prohibitions on same-sex marriage; declining investment in public schools and infrastructure; climate change; poverty; disease pandemics and superbugs; etc. etc.
And the Great Injustice you put so much energy into righting is … the perceived opprobrium you face when you pull out your tits in public??? Seriously?
You can legally breastfeed in public anywhere in the United States. When circumstances called for it my wife did, friends did, I see it everywhere. No big deal. No silly “milk tent” needed. I suppose that there still are benighted, backwards people out there who think that women should have to go hide somewhere to breastfeed, but no one I know has actually had a run-in with such a person. And if you were to encounter someone critical of the practice, so what? What are they going to do about it? If it’s a business owner or an official somebody who tries to make you stop or leave, all you have to do is tell that person they best back the fuck off unless they have a burning desire to be publicly humiliated via social media — and face a lawsuit, to boot. If it’s just a bystander wearing a sour Church Lady expression, who fucking cares what he/she thinks?
You’re manufacturing a mountain out of a tiny molehill; can’t you find something better to do with your righteous indignation?
Here’s a great piece from my friends at Free Your Kids. It’s about circumcision, but I think the idea is the same.
” One tactic people use to shut-down an argument is saying, aren’t there more important issues to worry about? Almost always, this is said when the person disagrees with the argument being presented. Rather than choosing to disengage from the debate or refute the points being made, they try to close the dialogue by intimating that those who continuing discussing it are wasting their time. It’s a form of intimidation. On our page, this happens most often with the circumcision debate.
More important issues to worry about? Does the person saying that really mean it? Does he/she really only post about the “real issues”? Like solving world hunger? Ending war? Preventing emotional and physical abuse? Helping victims of rape and molestation? Does this person only post about the major issues of our time? Or does he/she sometimes post a picture of a puppy?
More important issues to worry about? Like a photo of your dinner? A picture of your new haircut? A funny video? Your child eating sand? Bitching about American Idol?
More important issues? Shall we all stick to that rule? Or only people who disagree with you? No one only posts about the “important issues”. To do so would defeat the whole purpose of living. To do so would disregard that which makes us happy and fulfilled.
But if indeed we should stick to the “important issues”, I submit that to a terrified baby boy strapped to a table, unable to properly defend himself, having part of his body sliced-off, no more important issue exists.”
http://www.Facebook.com/FreeYourKids
“I have laid educational smackdowns on internet trolls”
Now THERE’S a waste of time…! LOL
I was in a church where the pastor wife thought breast feeding was discusting. She would not allow me to breast feed in the nursery. I actually had to sit in a closet!
I stopped reading at “The lie that is low milk supply.”
You know what, not everyone is able to produce gallons upon gallons of milk on demand. I worked my ASS OFF with both of my babies, trying literally EVERYTHING (power pumping, both prescription and herbal galactogogues, beer, oatmeal, placenta encapsulation… if either of the LC’s or la leche league gals mentioned it, I tried it) and you know what, I had LOW MILK SUPPLY with BOTH children. I was able to ebf with one of my babies, but the other one, no matter what I tried, had to have some formula.
Is this normal, no. But just because it doesn’t fit neatly into someones agenda doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.
And yes, I nursed both of my babies in public on demand. I used a cover for the first one for the first few months, because that’s what I was comfortable with. And that’s ok too.
Shayna, I so agree with you. I, too, am a low supply mom. At one point I took 40+ supplements a day in addition to 9 daily Domperidone. It’s so frustrating to be called “a lie” when we do our darndest to make it happen. No one would ever be rude enough to tell a couple who can’t conceive that they’re lying or just not trying hard enough.
My daughter has had formula, donor milk & has been wet nursed. She’s still nursing with my measly supply at 2 years old because breastfeeding is not only about milk. There are over 1500 of us on a FB support group. Join us if you have a low supply and need support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/IGTmamas/
i do not have the adequate language to express my love for this article enough. amen, amen, A TO THE FREAKING MEN.
Thank you so much for this. This is so perfect, on so many levels. ❤
I cannot express my love for this article enough. THANK YOU. I had a hell of a time nursing without a cover (which despite what everyone around me seemed to believe was not going to happen if my daughter had her way) and at one point even left a restaurant in tears when my own family made me feel awful about NIP (on my birthday, nonetheless). And yet, there were moments when I was talking to people while nursing and they had no freaking idea until they flat out asked if I needed to feed her. It baffles me that people have become so backwards about breastfeeding. NIP for the win.
You-are -awsome 🙂 Reading this totally made my day. Breasts are not genitals (lol)
Definitely enjoyed reading this post. My daughter is 17 months and still nursing. I can instantly calm her down from a tantrum or whatever other shenanigans she gets into. My mom made me feel slightly ashamed of NIP at first. I finally told her ‘I don’t give a shit if anyone cares and neither should you!’. Now I just nurse when and wherever I please.
I don’t know you, but I love you, LOL! You are now my idol. Thank you!
I LOVE YOU so hard core right now!!!!! add a !!11!!11!! for emphasis!
“I bet somewhere around a bazillion dollars that if the average person walked into a restaurant, and you didn’t tell them a breastfeeding mother was there, they would never know. Wanna know why? Because breastfed babies are quiet when they’re nursing. Their mothers have had practice and can slip a nipple into their mouths in 2 seconds flat without anyone being the wiser. I once talked to my friend’s husband about breastfeeding for 15 minutes while nursing before he asked me if I was going to need somewhere to nurse the baby soon.”
YES! I have nursed my children anywhere and EVERYwhere and often, people thought they were sleeping. No circus tent necessary. I’m on baby (toddler) #3 and I just don’t give a eff anymore, LOL.